In Which Eric Tries to Pull a Fast One On the Scientific Community

New dinosaur indeed!

Attention, scientific community! Are you really prepared to allow this sort of fabrication and self-serving exaggeration into your ranks? Have you no respect for yourselves and your profession? Have you learned nothing from Piltdown Man, the Tasaday Tribe, or the Bat Child? And since when is Eric Walkingshaw's personal blog the appropriate forum for announcing amazing new discoveries? Has Scientific American fallen so low in the public's esteem?

The very idea that there was once a book-shaped dinosaur, who apparently wore Ray-Bans as early as the Late Jurassic Period (before everyone started wearing them, as the hipstersaurs might say), is quite frankly ludicrous. Everyone knows that there was no such thing, as evidenced by the simple unanswerable question, "If there were dinosaurs shaped like books, then why didn't the dinosaurs learn to read?" The logic there, I'm sure you can tell, is infallible.

I have been to the Badlands, and I can assure you: nowhere in that desolate, incomprehensibly protected wasteland is there any shred of evidence of such a creature ever existing. The few paleontological sites I was allowed to visit/trespass on were inundated with tiny bone fragments, smarmy graduate students, and lots and lots of goddamned rocks, but nothing that looked even remotely like the fossilized remains of a giant, book-shaped dinosaur. As the scientists present shouted at me to remove my ass from the premises post-haste, at no time did they say anything about their amzaing new discovery, which one would assume they would, given that they spend so much time with their noses in the dirt with often nothing to show for it aside from a dirty nose, back pain, and the demoralizing knowledge that there are thousands upon thousands of less-qualified, less-intelligent college undergrads having way more sex than they are. And as the local sheriff's office whisked me away in one of their fine vehicles, giving me a lovely from-behind-caged-windows tour of the entire park, not once did I hear about the overwhelming media presence, or even a complaint about those pesky scientists getting all rowdy in celebration over their book-shaped-dinosaur discovery.

Quite frankly, scientific community, I am disappointed in you. I expect better! Why do you insist on faking new dinosaurs when your time is much better spent on more important discoveries? And that reminds me, if I take more than the recommended dose, does that mean it'll explode? Because I do not want that.

And while I'm on the soapbox: South Dakota, the hospitality of your prison cells is less than satisfactory!